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G udah mengatakannya berkali-kali, dan g tetap bertahan ama pendirian gw. Apapun yang g lakukan, g lakukan demi keluarga g. G letakkan Nyawa g di depan setiap hambatan yang diberikan kepada keluarga g. Dan g ga takut ama apapun untuk membutktikannya.
Namun saking gigihnya berusaha untuk mengangkat keluarga dari Lubang dimana kita sedang berada, apakah g juga mau mengorbankan hubungan g ama Keluarga g? Bekerja ampe malam setiap hari dan sering menginap di Kantor akhir-akhir ini. Sampai-sampai g sering ga ketemu ama keluarga g. Apakah ini benar? G ingin membeli Notebook, agak kerjaan g bisa g kerjain di rumah. Udah 3 bulan ini g tidur tidak tertur, hanya tidur 4-5 jam sehari, kadang kurang. Sepertinya g harus mengubah kebiasaan g. Badan g dah mulai sakit, dan g dikirimin beberapa email tentang orang-orang yang meninggal karena overwork. Dan tentang beberapa Gamer yang maksa main lama ampe meninggal. I don’t want to be like that.
G jadi mikir, what keeps me going?
Mungkin g justru berusaha untuk lari dari sesuatu? Males pulang karena jauh? Atau karena di rumah ga ada apa-apa, sedangkan di Kantor udah kelewat betah? Mungkin ini saatnya untuk mulai membenahi hidup. I really Love my Family, tapi kalau g mati, g ga ngebantu mereka! Ya kan?
Sekarang g coba mendekati ade g pelan2. Dengan mendekati hal yang paling ia sukai yaitu motor. G mulai blajar motor dech, siapa tau g bisa dapatkan kepercayaan dia lagi.
Doain ya.
I Love my Brother more than anything. But now he’s making it so hard for me to show it. I always blame myself for his misbehavior. I should be his Role Model. So anything he does reflects on me. I’m so sad right now.
He thinks that school isn’t that important anymore. Rather Loves to spend time outside that with his family. Everyday i’m so afraid ’cause of those dark paths that he could take some day, and i tell you it isn’t easy to get back from there. Actually it’s fucking hard.
If heard that at school every teacher and staff is comparing him with me. How hard would life be when u know that u can’t compare 2 ur perfect brother. Perfect, it’s not that i think that i am. But over the time i’ve made quite a reputation over myself. And now it’s all my fault ?!?!?!?
And when i went to College i pushed him away ’cause i felt not 2 play with kids anymore. Fuck it.
Sometimes when i see his friends i want to kill em cause i know they are bad company for him, or aren’t they. Dunno.
Everything is far 2 complicated now ! ! !
Sometimes when i ride on my bike 2 work, i try so hard 2 hold my tears cause i know that everything become 2 fucked up now 2 repair. Damn it.
Life was so much easier through the eyes of a child.
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